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Name: Jodoshimaro
Gender: Female


Interests: Making friends, having fun, drawing, roleplaying, chatting, singing, music
Expertise: Drawing
Occupation: Self Proclaimed Artist


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Member Since: 12/13/2006

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Friday, April 17, 2009

Berkeley and Spring Break

OH EM GEE!! I got into berkeley for psychology!!! I'm soooo happy!!! Duuuuuuuude yeah!! That's all I have to say for that subject. Moving on

SPRING BREAK!! Yep Iwould've started atalking about it last friday, but my bro was hogging the comp the whole tim. Bleh that poo face. Anyways so spring break was awesome. My piano teacher said I can mv on from my immortal to Leave out all the rest can't wait to start learning that song! adn I think I'm getting better at reading notes.... still takesme a hell of a long time to read it makes me sad. Uhm.... Annyways. I've beenable to write alot during this break too I wanna post them up, but I'm too lazy to copy my stories form paper... maybe later when I have more time. Uh... what have we dun thus far... uhm..... went t dave and busters for a day tat a totally fun. And my uncles came over. Tito Boyet is sooooo over protective sometimes it got annoying. But tito mickay was the best!!!He gave me tips on taking shots with my camera. We also went to yosemite and stuffs. uhm yeah!! I am not in the mood for writing something uber long at the moment so yeah! I have to get back to hw now anyways later peeps


Sunday, April 05, 2009

Aquire The Fire!!

YO PEEPS!! WHAT"S UP?! OMG OMG OMG!! I just got back from a 1.5 day convention in Sacramento for Aquire the Fire. I only describe it in three words. IT WAS AWESOME!! Yeah, my youth group, Escape, went and MAAAAAN it was FUN. I mean I've never felt this kind of fun in forever!! I LOVE JESUS! So there were about 4 bands playing all of them GREAT. Joel this singer dude from New Zealand was singing his heart out on that stage. The expression on his face and everything was... was... was... passionate. I mean I've seen alot of people who are passionate about the things they love and stuff but seriously watching him perform sent chills down my spine!! Then there was Builing Fort 249 the lead singer was BEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST!! I mean the way the performed! He had this amaaazing voice and being able to play guitar, sing, and dance wildly on the stage without missing a note?! HOLY SHIZZUMS!! He had this great song called "Always" and it was so touching I cried. Thousandfoot Krutch played there as well. I gotta tell you guys, listening to them live is INTEEEEEEEEENSE!!!!  After thier performance I think I'm gonna loose my voice. I was jumping and screaming like there was no tomorrow I think Matt and Amy were lookiung at me like I was crazy man. I wanted to go into the Mosh Pit up from but I couldn't see any thing so I stayed in my section with my youth pastors. David went there he said that all his dreams had come true except for crowd surfing haha. Lastly there was Goup 1 Crew. Thier songs were a bit contrasted to the rock were we listening to the whole time but they were great! All thier songs were EPIIIIIC!! They kind of make me think of Jedi Mind Tricks only less drepressing. Actually their songs aren't depressing at all thier just downright awesome!

Okay moving from the subject of bands! there were 2 plays at ATF. both of them were about Jesus and his crucifiction. First on was a modern take on the tridium where was pretty funny and really creative. Jesus was labled as some mafia leader or something Mary M. and the diciples were drug addicts that were saved and stuff. there was this really cool part where they used shadows to show how they crucified jesus. Second one was a much much more serious play, but the message was insirational. Basically it was like how were can't truly truly form a relationship with god unless there you gave your whole self to god.

There were also speakers Joel and Casey Johnson (they're such a sweet couple) at the convention. They weren't those boring speakers though. Once they started speaking into the mic you just HAD to listen. they talked about troubles with sex and such and how modern society makes us think that we are a sex object more than a person and such. They also spoke about parent troubles and forgiveness. Parent troubles as in divorce, abuse, and basically fighting and stuff. It was pretty touching.

 I have to tell you I felt at home there. Like everything was just lifted from my shoulders. I feel lighter than EVER!! I didn't know that I could actually feel this way. ATF was the BEEEEEEEEEEEEEST!!! Also my youth group got closer and we actually feel like a family. You know to be honest. I never really felt like I had a family besides my own and my friends. And you know what it feel good to have that kind of connection with other people.

Oi before I start getting emotional and start ranting I should finish talking about how aweosme this ATF weekend was luls!! XD Though ya'll probally have the idea by now. Yeah, So me and Amy shared our hotel room... of course. who wants to sleep with the guys anyway? (constance: ME! jkjk me: retard constance: XP) We talked abuot highschool and how crazy our friends are. Luls. it was halairious. We saw a a tax plas that said "IBS TAX" and Matt was all like "Oh ha! I BS taxes" It was halairious we styopped to take a pic of the place. On the way home we talked about weird stuff. David taught me a new drum beat. It looks so easy but imitating him is soooooooo flipping haaard!! Then we went in to a convo about dreams and stuff. From dreams we moved to the Revoloution and then science fiction and metal gear solid. And our last subject was zombies it was pretty weird. Oh! during lunch I was taking pic of the place and I turn around and I see Matt video taping me and I completely spazzed it was halairious. Uh.... what a else.... Oh shoot I gotta get off in a few mins! I gotta wrap this up!! Okay I'll write about other stuff tomorrow. laaateeeer!

Oh quick!1 I got sum quotes to share!!

"forgiveness is accepting something is wrong but letting it go" -Joel johnson

"Forgiveness is like letting a prisoner go and finding out the prisoner was you"- Joel Johnson

"the bible says to make a joyful sound. That didn't mean it had to be pretty. "-Matt

"His hair looks like the statue of liberty's crown"- David

"Mild or hot? Oh definitely hot!"- Joel Johnson

"It's not your fault"- Casey Johnson

"Sex is like a fire. It's okay when it;'s used in the right way. When it's in the fireplace, but when you place it in you living room floor things can dangerous" -Casey Johnson

"and then she said "A voice" That was when I woke up freaked out" -David

"I NEEED YOU!! I need you more than air, water, or food."- someone I can't remember

"Take take take it all take take take it all!"- joel (singer)

"they're not gonna get any smarter when they eat other people's brains" -Amy

"I met a woman while signing autographs and she gave me this small picture  a little boy and said, "He would've been three today"- Lead Singer of Building 429

"I love making this face"- Joel Johnson

"You're love is like a hurricane and I am a tree bending under you" -Joel (singer)

"Give me free stuff"- MC Jeremy

"I can't promise I won't do this again, but next time I'll let you know"- Joel johnson

"Bring it on..... the next day I was on my knees crying"- Joel (singer)


Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Thanks Everyone

Hey everyone! You know how I was emoing for the past few days...week or whatever. I feel much much much better now. I wanna thank you all for you support and advice it really helps. Especially my friends at school. Like nami, dillan, sungwon, buru,  yuki, katie, jessie, and in general EVERYONE, being around you guys ALWAYS makes my days seem brighter. I feel so lucky to have friends like you guys. Yeah I know I might not act it sometimes but I really do ^^. Uhm... I don't really have anything else to say for now. yeah... Ja


Monday, March 16, 2009

Never gonna be the same...I apologize...

Hey guys... sorry about the emo last entry... My dad said a few things yesterday that have left deeeeeeeep wounds to my heart. I'm less emo now. Er..... I mean I feel better. Sorry for making anyone worry. But I have to be honest. I don't fully feel better. I'm hurting really really really bad. No one would really understand what I'm going though... well exept for myself. It's hard to put what I'm feeling right now into words... I guess I feel like I've hit the lowest low I can go. Things are looking better today. My mom didn't have work. That was a good thing and church kinda raised my spirits. But the wound inflicted yesterday is still wide open. It doesn't feel like it's gonna heal any time soon. For those of you who go to my school and know me as person, please don't worry. I'm not going to commit suicide, but I'm not going to be as hyper and peppy for the time being. I honestly feel like I'm not going to be the same anymore....... I'm sorry guys.... a part of my just died... please don't force my to feel better. It's not going to help. God..... I'm crying as I'm typing this. it hurts alot... I seriously don't think I can put myself back together right.... okay I have to go and do some homework now bye everyone reading this.


Saturday, March 14, 2009

I should die....

Watching everyone, makes me pissed at myself. I hate myself. They seem to know what they're doing all the time. Everyone know what to do. Everyone knows the program. Ask a simple question and they scream and screw you over, scolding you, telling you that you're stupid, you can't do anything right. So what if I'm a simple retard? What's wrong with that? All I want is to understand what others understand. But no. They don't care. They don't want to help. figure it out on your own. there are some things I can't, does that define me as stupid and worthless? Funny... I guess it does. I'm so worthless. Worthless enough to die. No one's gonna miss me. No one needs are stupid retard. Did you know it's the stupid ones that need jump first. It's the stupid ones that can be sacrificed. Sacrifice... That's me, spill my blood. Slit my throat. All that it's just for you. Who needs something worthless. Who needs me? I should runaway, I should die. It's perfect... I can take some pills die of an overdose. A quiet death with no blood. No, I don't want dramatics they're stupid. Stupid huh... Nevermind maybe I should die a bloody death I am stupid after all. Suicide is for stupid people. Yep I fit there. Hell is for stupid people. that's me.
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Funny I don't want to die.... but it's so much better for everyone around me. Everyone deserves someone better. Someone who's not me. It's funny how I try so hard to look smart. To look this way and that. To be "Perfect". Like one of those models. I want to fit the mold. I change every fiber of who I am. But I'm already fourteen. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. At least that's what they say. When you loose all your baby teeth and grow lumps on your chest and "bleed" from where you that's when you officially can't learn new tricks. I think i need help..... Who's gonna give it. I'll tell you who. No one. They always tell me that there's people out there like me. People who suffer like me. Tsk, what's the use telling me. I'm just stupid. I can't listen. Somethng goes in one ear and out the other. That's me. Little miss stupid. Stupid. Stupid. stupid.....

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Dad's pissed at me.............. you know whenever he's pissed at me I realize how much I shouldn't be alive. Even if the actual chances of me being born me is less than winning a lottery ticket, I still shouldn't live. it's not right. I'm selfish, a jerkass, and fuckturd..... that's me. I shouldn't live....



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